Diary of A Modern Gran | If It’s Not One Thing…
If it’s not one thing, it’s another! My daughter and son-in-law come back from their airport after their mini-break and I hand over my grandchildren with a feeling of relief and also regret. I will miss that special time together.
But my daughter takes one look at George’s rash under his eye and rings 111 because the surgery is closed. Although George had been seen by a nurse the day before, it does seem worse. So she is advised to go to A & E.
By then, I’d got home and unpacked my bags. But I offer to go back and sit with Rose overnight so my son-in-law can go too. So back I peddle, with a change of clothes in my basket.
After a five-hour wait at the hospital – not too bad considering it’s a Saturday night – the doctor sent George home with some more cream. But a few days later the rash has spread on his nose.
“I’m not sure I can cope with much more of this,” says my daughter and my heart goes out to her. It’s actually really stressful being a mum. Over the years, the strain of that 24/7 watch and the pressures of trying to be a good parent had begun to fade.
Yet now as a granny, it’s all coming back. In fact, I also feel pretty stressed myself. Should I have taken George to the hospital instead of the surgery?
“No, Mum,” my daughter reassures me. “You did the right thing.”
Two more visits to the doctor and it’s decided that it might and they give him a different kind of cream. Then my daughter has an idea. Could it be anything to do with the guinea pigs?
She looks it up online. Apparently guinea pigs can transmit fungus. Then again, I don’t remember this from when the children and guinea pigs and none of their guinea pig-owner friends have had it.
Meanwhile, these blotchy marks are spreading across George’s little face.
Of course it’s a Saturday by now (why is it that problems like this always seem to happen at the weekend when doctors are closed?) so we’re just going to have to wait until after the bank holiday. The good thing is that he doesn’t seem ill or in any way perturbed.
Changing the subject, a rather fun thing happened…
My son-in-law takes the children out (and instead of having a well-earned nap after the flight home followed by the five hours in A & E) my daughter uses the opportunity to have a clearing splurge in the shed outside. She takes a whole load of things to the tip and – oh oh – comes back with something else.
I’m about to say that I thought the point was to de-clutter, but luckily I manage to hold my tongue which is probably one of the first lessons that grandparents need to learn. Besides, I’ve just seen what she’d got!
It’s a mini trampoline – the type you use for one person to do exercises on.
“I got it really cheap at the ‘for sale’ section in the tip,” says my daughter who’s really good at these kind of things and should be a professional bargain-hunter.
Wow! it’s brilliant. We all have a go – including me, although I have to persuade George and Rose to let me have a go.
What a great de-stresser! There’s nothing like it apart from apps from my meditation app. (Headspace since you ask. I don’t like to advertise things but I have to say that this really helps me.)
Reading is another thing that helps keep the children quiet for a few moments instead of doing things that will send them off to A&E. Over the bank holiday weekend, Rose spotted a really pretty book in a local bookshop window. It’s about a station cat.
“Pleeese,” she said. I really want it.
I can’t say “no” at the best of times and I certainly can’t say no to books, especially if it’s for the children. So I sit and read this with them. Reading together is such a special time and they seem to like it when I put on my funny voices. It also helps to keep them still for a few minutes while Mummy and Daddy pack for an overnight visit to the Welsh grandparents.
The children are all really excited – especially as they are going to meet their cousin’s new baby.
But as I wave goodbye to them from outside the car, George suddenly bursts into tears. “I’m going to miss Bruno,” he weeps.
(He’s referring to one of the guinea pigs.)
“Don’t worry,” I say. “I’ll take photographs of them when you’re away.”
Isn’t technology amazing? In our day (here I go again), we’d have had to have waited a week or so for photographs to develop. It wasn’t cheap, either. Now we can just zip it over on our phones.
Meanwhile, thank you so much for the emails that some of you sent in about my dad. Regular readers will know that my sister and I have been trying to find a resolution to an age-old problem. For the past two years both my father and stepmother have been refusing help. But now they accept they need it.
They’ve been having 24/7 care which is eye-wateringly expensive but now it is clear that they need to go into a home.
The problem is, which one? My sister and I don’t live near each other and our father is nearer her than me.
I’d love him to come down here so he can see the grandchildren and the sea.
But it’s a long journey for him to make at his age – especially when he hasn’t been out of the house for five years.
So my sister is also looking at homes in her area too.
Yesterday was one of the most heart-breaking days of my life. He rang at 7.30am and declared there was no one with him.
“But your carer is there,” I said.
“Yes – but what am I going to do when he isn’t there.”
“There will always be someone with you, Daddy,” I say.
“But I want to get out of here and be with family.”
My heart twists. We’ve been telling them to move nearer us for years but in the past, they’ve insisted they are happy with where they are.
“We’re trying to find you somewhere near one of us but it’s taking a bit of time.”
(It certainly is. Lots of care homes are full or can only take one of them.)
“What would you like for your birthday?” I say, changing the subject. He’s 99 this week and we’re all going there to stay overnight in a local hotel to see him.
“What?” he says.
It’s very hard to speak on the phone but when the hearing specialist (whom we asked to come round) suggested hearing aids, our dad turned them down because he didn’t want “that kind of stuff in my ear”.
“What would you like for your birthday?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
He doesn’t hesitate.
“My freedom,” he says.
Ask Agony Gran
“My son’s new partner is expecting his baby. She already has two children from a previous relationship who live with them. Should they call me granny?” Name withheld
Jane says:
“Thank you so for getting in touch. This is what some people might call a ‘modern issue’. But in fact, it was quite common for previous generations to remarry and have more children. And many of these children referred to their new relatives as though they were related by blood.
“Personally, I think this calls for a friendly family chat. Would you like to be called granny? Do the children already have blood grandparents? How would they feel about you being called ‘Granny’?
“When the new baby arrives and gets older, he/she might think it’s strange that you are Granny to him/her but not to the others? Could you think of another name that expresses a closeness but isn’t actually ‘Granny’?
“We’re an extended family ourselves and my grandchildren have six grandparents. We are each known as something different.
“There are lots of questions for you to think about here. But at the end of the day – in my view – there is a more important thing. Children need to feel as though they are part of a warm loving family. And I’m sure you’ll do a great job.
“By the way, we totally understand that you want to be anonymous. None of us want to upset our families so if any other readers have a problem they’d like to share, do still email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk but say you don’t want your name used.
The Funny Things They Say…
Thanks to Doug for this one.
“I recently got a mobility scooter. My 13-year-old grandson asked if I needed to take a test so I could drive it. I actually think everyone should have to do so. It’s different from driving a car.”
We’d love to hear from you. Please email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Jane’s New Book
Jane Corry is an author and journalist. Her latest novel is called WE ALL HAVE OUR SECRETS and is published by Penguin £7.99. When Emily leaves her London job to live with her elderly dad in Cornwall, a stranger opens the front door. From supermarkets, bookshops and online.
