Diary of A Modern Gran | A Wake Up Call
Have you had this strange virus? The one that makes you feel achy with a sore throat and chest pains?
Me too. Mine started two weeks ago and I thought I was over it when something really scary happened last week. My chest began to feel very heavy as though a weight was sitting on my chest bones. So I phoned the surgery. My doctor rang back within the hour to say he thought my heart needed to be checked and that he was going to call an ambulance so a paramedic could examine me at home.
I have to say, that I completely freaked out. Could it really be something serious? When the ambulance arrived, I was mortified. What would everyone think in the road? I felt like a bit of a fraud.
The very nice paramedic did an ECG which was normal but my blood pressure was way over 200. “Is that normal?”I asked? (I don’t know much about blood pressure.)
“No,” he said. Then he suggested that I ought to go to hospital immediately.
That’s when it got tricky. We all want to protect our children. I don’t want them to worry in the way that I worried over my parents when they got seriously ill. But my wonderful daughter insisted on coming round and going with me. Part of me couldn’t help thinking that this wasn’t right. She’ll always be my little girl even though she is a mother herself with a wonderful husband. But the other part of me was very comforted and reassured by her presence. “It’s all right, Mum,” she said giving me a cuddle in the back of the ambulance.
I was also worried because of everything I’d read about queues in hospitals. But when we got there, I was seen within twenty minutes. I had lots of blood tests, a chest x-ray and another ECG. However, my blood pressure remained really high and I felt pretty stressed with all the bleeping machinery which reminded me of the time I’d spent in hospital with my dad before Christmas.
Then after about three hours, a doctor (who looked as old as one of my sons) came to see me and said they couldn’t find anything wrong with my heart. Phew. The heaviness was probably the tail end of the virus. My blood pressure had slowly started to come down too. And although it was still higher than the average, it was acceptable for them to let me out. My GP will be monitoring it.
“Great,” I thought. “I can go back to life as normal.”
The next day was my school run day and although my daughter said she could make alternative arrangements, I still wanted to do it. I didn’t want to miss out on the best day of my week. I love all that chatter and excitement ! However, to be on the safe side, my husband drove.
“Mummy said you went to hospital in an ambulance,” said George when he came flying out of the playground, jumper askew and ruddy-cheeked.
“Yes,” I say.
“Did they make you better?” asked Rose.
“Yes,” I say.
Then I changed the subject to the “how was your day?” and “did you have a story?” questions because I don’t want to worry them.
On the other hand, Rose and George are no strangers to flashing blue lights and hospitals. Regular readers might remember that Rose had an hereditary condition for the first eight months of her life which meant that she had several emergency visits to hospital. And George managed to rip his ear so badly that half of it was literally hanging off when he fell over a tree stump a couple of years ago. Luckily the hospital doctor managed to sew it back on. To look at it now, you’d never know.
However, my own experience this week has made me think. What is the right thing for us grandparents to do and say when something goes wrong with our health? We don’t want to worry our children or grandchildren but at the same time they might not be very happy (understandably) if we hid it from them. In fact, it might damage that trust.
I have some experience of this with my own mother who didn’t tell me about her ovarian cancer until after the operation. I can see why. I was a young mum at the time with two small children under four. She didn’t want to scare me. Yet I wish she’d told me from the beginning so I could have comforted her.
Should we also downplay our fears and anxieties generally? Or should we be open and honest with our children, however old or young they are?
All in all, this has been a bit of a wake-up call for me. Everyone’s always telling me not to rush around so much but that’s me! I like being busy!
Besides, I’m only in my mid 60s. I don’t feel old. I also love swimming and playing tennis. And I don’t want to become one of those people who say “Well, I’m not as young as I was,” even if that’s true.
Then the following morning as I was getting up for my walk by the coast with my neighbour, the alarm clock in the spare bedroom suddenly went off. How strange. I pressed the Stop button but 10 minutes later, it started off again?!
The only rational explanation I can think of of , is that George and Rose had been playing there recently. Had they been fiddling with the clock?
I’ll have to ask them.
Or maybe, as my husband says, it really IS a wake up call.
What do you think? Have you had a health scare and if so, how did you deal with telling the family and coming to terms with it yourself ? You can email us on moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Ask Agony Gran
“There’s always been something slightly different about my eight-year-old grandson. He takes things very literally and finds it hard to show emotion. He’s also very bright and was able to do his multiplication tables when he was five. However, he’s just been diagnosed with autism. I don’t know much about it. I’d also like to know how can I emotionally support him and his parents. I live about an hour away from them.’ Name withheld.
Jane says:
This can’t be easy for you. We sympathise. We all want our children and grandchildren to be healthy. But sometimes things hit us out of the blue. At other times, like this, a series of behavioural signs which seem quite minor, can finally lead to a diagnosis. I am sure that your support will help your family. The good news is that there is a lot of information around now about autism. The National Autistic Society has an excellent website at www.autism.org.uk. There’s also an organisation called Ambitious For Autism. You can ring them on 020 8815 5444 or email info@ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk. As well as this, there are several books around to help families. You might want to take a look at Helping Grandparents Understand Autism by Linda Barboa and Jan Luck which is currently £8.37 on Amazon. Good luck.
If you’ve got a problem you’d like to share anonymously, email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Your Feedback
Thanks to Nicky for sending me this email.
“I was interested to read last week’s problem about the grandsons who argued all the time. My granddaughters fought tooth and nail when they were younger but it calmed down when they got to their mid teens. Now one is still at home and the other has gone to college. They seem to get on really well during the holidays. So hang on in there! Relationships can change for the better.”
The Funny Things They Say
“I look after my nine-year-old granddaughter after school and help her with her homework. This includes a weekly spelling test. One of the words was ‘rain’ and she had to make a sentence out of it. She wrote ‘The King rains every day.’ I had to explain that although ‘rain’ and ‘reign’ sound the same, they mean two different things!” Vicky from East Anglia.
We sympathise with your granddaughter, Vicky! Languages can be very complicated !
If one of your grandchildren has said something funny, do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Family News
Roughly 21 per cent of the population in the UK are grandparents! Wow. That’s quite a lot, isn’t it?
Children’s Book Of The Week
Each week I’ll suggest a great book to read with your grandchildren. I’ll also include any suggestions you send, so do email us at moderngran@dctmedia.co.uk.
Bedtime For The Burpee Bears is written by the UK’s favourite fitness guru, Joe Wicks. Published by HarperCollins. £1.
The Burpee Bears love to have fun during their daily routines of eating, playing, exercise and cleaning teeth – even if it means squirting toothpaste on their pyjamas! There are also lots of exercises and recipes in this delightful book, produced for World Book Day which is coming up in March.
Jane Corry is a journalist and author. Her latest novel WE ALL HAVE OUR SECRETS is about secrets and love. Published by Penguin £7.99. For a free short story, sign up to the newsletter on her website at www.janecorryauthor.com.
To pre-order her new Penguin novel COMING TO FIND YOU, go to amzn.to/3FD7sMp.
