Family First

By Rosemary Hayes

Illustration: Shutterstock

And second, third, fourth… I found myself at the beck and call of three generations, pulled in all directions

Two minutes. That’s all the time I had to luxuriate in the bubble bath before urgent knocking on the front door interrupted me.

I gazed at the bubbles with longing as I tightened my bathrobe and headed down the hallway, leaving wet footprints in my wake.

I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I hoped to slip back into the hot water soon enough.

“Hi Mum,” said Jasmine. She stood on the doorstep with my young grandsons, Andy and Will.

“Hi Nanna Noon,” said Andy.

I couldn’t help smiling. One day he’ll learn to say Nanna June.

“Are you busy?” my daughter asked.

Hmmm. I don’t think the dictionary has a picture of a bubble bath next to the word “busy”, does it?

“No,” I said, as I led them to the lounge room.

The kids immediately ran to the toy box in the corner, ready for whenever they visited, or I babysat. I had a feeling I knew what was coming next.

“Mum, this is such short notice, sorry – but would you mind having the boys tonight? Dan won concert tickets but the catch is, the concert is tonight. Please?”

Family first. That’s been my motto ever since I became a mum twenty-five years ago.

That’s why I only did part-time work, during school hours. The reason I never wanted a full scale career. And it’s why I did things for myself, like painting or learning to play guitar, only in my spare hours when I wasn’t needed by anyone.

“Of course. So, a sleepover, right?”

“I can pick them up around ten-thirty tomorrow morning, is that OK?”

I had arranged to visit my mum in the morning about nine. To make sure she’s OK. See if she needs help with getting groceries, or organising appointments, or chores. At eighty, she’s becoming more frail week by week, it seems.

But going over a couple of hours later would be fine.

“Sure, no problem. Enjoy your concert. But before you go, just watch the boys while I do something.”

I headed to the bathroom and pulled the plug in the bath. Most of the bubbles had already disappeared and the water was tepid, but I still watched it swirl away with a touch of regret. Maybe tomorrow.

What’s that saying about tomorrow never comes?

A week later, I still hadn’t had a chance for a nice, long, relaxing soak in the tub.

In between the grandkids, and my two adult sons who needed help with various things, and Mum, and of course my hubby, Tim, I just didn’t have time.

It’s funny, really. I had thought that when the kids had left home, became independent, and starting living their own lives I’d have more “me time”.

But it hadn’t worked out that way at all.

Sandwich generation, I’ve heard people in my situation called now. Sandwich. I wish. I feel more like I’m in a quadruple layered lasagne.

I’m needed in so many directions at once these days.

I don’t mind, really I don’t. I love my family. And as I’ve always said: family first.

I just wish it wasn’t so exhausting to be there for everyone.

A week later, in between preparing dinner, and babysitting again while Jasmine was at the hairdresser, I browsed some travel sites. A decent break, that’s what I needed. A chance to recharge the batteries – that would be really nice.

Even though I know my husband won’t get any time off over summer, I still look at a Spanish holiday. I’d always wanted to go to Majorca.

Using the website, it would be so easy to organise it all. I typed in some details, then hovered the cursor over the book now button… then a text interrupts. My eldest son needs me.

Well, haven’t I always said, family first?

Weeks later I’m sitting on a sun lounger by the pool, enjoying the gorgeous sea view while sipping a cocktail. In Majorca, of course.

Did I mention I booked a room with a large, deep spa bath? A long luxurious bubble bath is next on my list this holiday.

How did I manage it? Well, Tim is at home with a mountain of frozen meals in the freezer.

I suggested Jasmine and her partner arrange a different babysitter during this fortnight.

My sons, I simply told to ring their father with any problems.

And dear Mum – she has now agreed to outside help from an elderly carers organisation while I’m away.

Pressing that book now button was the best thing I’ve ever done.

You see, when I could tell I was about to give up what I needed, so I could put my family first, I simply had to remind myself of something I had lost sight of.

Perhaps the most important thing… I’m family too.